Seize the day — you never know if it might be your last

A conversation with my mum on the eve of her 70th birthday

Me and mum in January 2023

The last two weeks of March are always a special time in our family as it’s Nowruz — the Iranian New Year — which brings with it happy days filled with lots of celebrations, good food and good cheer. This year, our festivities have had an extra special vibe though, as its also the week my mum turns 70.

I feel lucky to have a close relationship with my mum and for her to still be around and part of my life, something I know isn’t available to everyone. Fatima Rabiee is a true ‘character’ in every sense of the word — gregarious, boisterous, generous and always the first on the dance floor. She recently retired from being a Professor of Public Health and where she has ended up in life is a world away from where she grew up, in an agrarian region of rural north-east Iran. She was the oldest of 11 children, only six of whom are alive today, and her childhood and young adulthood was marked by a series of tragedies. Three of her siblings died under the age of one from the infectious diseases of rural life and poverty. Her younger sister drowned in the sea on a family day out to the beach. And, in the aftermath the Islamic revolution of 1979, several of her young siblings were imprisoned for very basic and simple political activities against the Islamic government and her family had to deal with all the horrors that came with that. Her closest brother, Hassan, was just 25 when he was executed by the regime.

I share all of this, not to invoke any sense of sorrow but rather to highlight what has always been quite extraordinary to me — my mum’s indefatigable positive spirit and exceptional optimism. I’ve always appreciated her outlook on life so, on the eve of her 70th birthday, I sat down with her to ask some questions about what life lessons she’s learned.

Mum, you're about to turn 70! What are the best things about getting older?

I've never been frightened of getting old because getting old is about getting wiser. You don't age without experience. So every year I think, there's something new to learn. There's something new to contribute. One of the best things about getting older is that you stop caring about the small stuff. That level of freedom is so energising and empowering.

What are your most cherished memories?

The days my children were born were very special, as was the Iranian revolution in 1979. Of course, we didn’t know how things would end up, but that moment of overthrowing the Shah was exhilarating. The other cherished days were when I got my PhD and later when I became a professor. It had always been a dream of mine to go into academia and I felt so happy, not just for myself but for my parents, especially for my father, who was so proud.

What has been the luckiest aspect of your life so far?

Being lucky enough to move to my adopted country (the UK) when I could. A lot of people haven’t been able to do that. I was at the right place and the right time, and it led to a whole new life for which I’m incredibly grateful.

What is the best piece of advice you've been given?

Be truthful to yourself.

In what place are you happiest?

It's not a place really. I'm happy when I see my friends and my family.  It's who you are surrounded by that brings you happiness.

What is one of the hardest things you've been through and what did you learn as a result?

Everything around the time when my brother was executed. It was terrifying and traumatic… What I've learned from that period is you never know what is around the corner, life can be taken in a moment, so you must seize the day and live every day as if it is your last.

You came to the UK in 1979 when you were 26. How would you describe the immigrant experience?

It was hard. Our standard of living drastically changed and that was really challenging. We lived in a basement flat in south London. It was dark, it was dirty, but it was cheap. We assumed my husband would get a job easily so we decided to have a baby but that didn't happen, so we were plunged into poverty whilst I was pregnant. I remember I had just one dress I used to wear. Every evening I’d come home, wash it, let it dry and then the next day wear it again. We just didn't know how the system worked. He used to apply for maybe 50 jobs per week and it wasn't online like it is now, so you would have to fill in the application form and then you posted it and I remember the postage was quite expensive for us too. I couldn't speak the language which meant I couldn’t contribute to discussions and that that was really difficult for me as I felt completely invisible. It made me realise how we ignore or don’t take seriously people who don’t feel confident communicating and that has become such an important lesson for me. Now I’m always careful to give my attention to those who are quiet in a room to make sure they don’t feel ignored.  

How do you feel when you hear people talking about refugees and migrants today?

As am immigrant I find it very emotional and upsetting because of the language used to talk about them. I think it is short-sighted to see immigrants as coming here just to take jobs. Yes, this country gave me an opportunity to make something for myself, but I have contributed a lot too. We all do. I was chair of Birmingham Relate, I was member of the Lord Chancellor Advisory Group. I was the secretary of the International Nutrition Society. So it's not, you know, just immigrants coming and taking things, when we have people from different backgrounds, that diversity and their contribution enriches all our lives.

What do you wish people knew about Iran that often gets misunderstood?

I think people tend to see what the media focuses on — the regime — and forget about the people. I often have to explain to people we love music, we love to dance, we debate, that women can drive cars! The last six months, since the uprising, that’s changed and people are seeing what Iranians are really like and how strong and resilient we are.

You’ve travelled a lot, especially on your own. What are your travel tips?

I love travelling! When I travel alone, I don’t go to posh places as I love exploring how people live and you can’t do that in a fancy hotel. I like being immersed in the real culture of the land I’m in. I often stay in family-run hotels because I think you get a more personalised service and you also get to know the community. One of my favourite experiences of this was when I stayed in a family-run hotel in Chiang Mai in Thailand. Over my time there I got to know the eight people who were working in the hotel really well and it’s one of my best memories learning about the family who had been running the place for three generations.

I also always take public transport where I can and recommend doing that instead of getting taxis. I remember being in Tajikistan and feeling very excited to see people on the buses, how they interact, how they talk! When you take public transport, you can meet and talk to people from all walks of life.

You're a nutritionist and have worked in public health all your life. What's your biggest food advice?

Eat a wide variety of foods, especially those of different colours — we call it eating the rainbow. Also, eat in moderation but eat everything, because the body needs everything.

What’s the most important life lesson you've learned?

Life is so unpredictable, and often things don’t happen the way you want. You have to take things easy.

My mum in Los Angeles in November 2022