This newsletter really resonated with me, thank you for sharing your experience. I lost my father last year after a very short illness. I'm Irish but I live in Dubai and work in a very multicultural office. In Irish culture, there are many rituals around death and grief. People are comfortable sympathising and discussing grief. It was a real shock to me to experience how different it must be in other cultures, at least based on my experience with friends and colleagues here. For the most part, my Arab colleagues sympathised or acknowledged my father's passing but many of my colleagues from the US,UK, Europe or Russia did not. Not exclusively but generally. It also came up in conversations I've had since how few people I know from the US/UK etc have ever been to a funeral. In Ireland, you attend the funeral of people you may not know well or at all, as a mark of respect for their family, who might be your friend or coworker. This also makes people more comfortable discussing issues around grieving I think.
Thanks so much for sharing Louise. I’m so sorry to hear about your Dad, hope you are holding up OK. Everything you wrote is so fascinating and true, especially about people not going to funerals or acknowledging deaths. I also find it hard. I remember a British neighbour once saying she wouldn’t take her children to their grandparents funeral as she didn’t want them to get upset. It was such a shock to me. I have also have fallen out with some close British friends, years ago, when they couldn’t acknowledge or discuss my friend dying. I think the Irish have so many cultural traditions (across many areas of life) that are similar to people in the global South - and this is certainly one of them. X
I am sorry for your loss, Louise. Must have been hard to go through this grief without the support of extended family and friends.
What you wrote about the Irish culture and the ritual of attending funerals of people you may not even know personally, resonate with me and the culture I have been brought up too.
I believe cultural difference of dealing with bereavement, make a big impact on the process of recovery.
Thank you Fatemeh, you're very kind. Completely agree with your last statement. I'm glad to have had different rituals through the grieving process, right up to the first anniversary.
I am deeply sorry for the loss of your babies. I'm a grandmother now but one of my grandchildren didn't get to be born. This tiny little shoot on our family tree will not be forgotten. Sending love to you x
I’m so sorry for your recent loss. One of the things I find hard about my pregnancy losses is the sense that only I knew and remember them. I have found it very important to find some way to commemorate their brief existence and in writing about it, you have found a way to mark them as well as supporting others who have been through similar experiences.
Thanks Catherine. I agree with so much of that. I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through it too. It’s just awful. Sending lots of love your way. I have a box filled with memories of each pregnancy and sometimes I like to just empty it all out and sit with it all. I’ve written lots about this most recent loss as writing helps me process, but more than that, as you say, it helps acknowledge it was real. X
Love and sympathy, Yasmin - there's so many of us out there (me too) that it's worth talking about even if only for the comfort of knowing others have been there too.
You speak so much truth here, Yasmin, thank you for this post and for sharing your own experiences. I'm so, so very sorry for your recent loss, and previous losses, and hope you're able to rest up in the next few weeks and be kind to yourself. What you're going through is absolutely brutal, and I'm with you on not understanding why we don't have more cultural support for grief and miscarriage in particular. Having gone through it myself, I was horrified to experience a flippancy in medical settings that translated to a complete lack of empathy (the 'it's very common' line doesn't really cut it when you're beside yourself with grief and shock) or acknowledgement of the psychological trauma and grief of it. The best support I found was through talking to others who have gone through it, and Tommys helpline which was brilliant. So thankful for writers like you who are bravely normalising conversations and increased dialogue around these issues. Sending much love and solidarity your way xxxx
Thanks so much Rosie, I'm so sorry you've had to go through it too. I think I need to lean in to the helplines a bit, so thanks for that recommendation. As you say, it's hard to talk about it with people who haven't gone through it. Thanks so much for all your lovely words. Hope we can catch up soon and much love to you xx
Admire your courage not only for dealing with yet another recurrent miscarriage and painful loss, but also your ability to talk about it so openly, providing useful information & resources for others who might be going through grief in general & miscarriage in particular.
Sending love and a basket of positive energy ❤️❤️🌹
This newsletter really resonated with me, thank you for sharing your experience. I lost my father last year after a very short illness. I'm Irish but I live in Dubai and work in a very multicultural office. In Irish culture, there are many rituals around death and grief. People are comfortable sympathising and discussing grief. It was a real shock to me to experience how different it must be in other cultures, at least based on my experience with friends and colleagues here. For the most part, my Arab colleagues sympathised or acknowledged my father's passing but many of my colleagues from the US,UK, Europe or Russia did not. Not exclusively but generally. It also came up in conversations I've had since how few people I know from the US/UK etc have ever been to a funeral. In Ireland, you attend the funeral of people you may not know well or at all, as a mark of respect for their family, who might be your friend or coworker. This also makes people more comfortable discussing issues around grieving I think.
Thanks so much for sharing Louise. I’m so sorry to hear about your Dad, hope you are holding up OK. Everything you wrote is so fascinating and true, especially about people not going to funerals or acknowledging deaths. I also find it hard. I remember a British neighbour once saying she wouldn’t take her children to their grandparents funeral as she didn’t want them to get upset. It was such a shock to me. I have also have fallen out with some close British friends, years ago, when they couldn’t acknowledge or discuss my friend dying. I think the Irish have so many cultural traditions (across many areas of life) that are similar to people in the global South - and this is certainly one of them. X
Thanks for such a considered response Yasmin and for starting this conversation! I'm so sorry for your loss and am keeping you in my thoughts x
I am sorry for your loss, Louise. Must have been hard to go through this grief without the support of extended family and friends.
What you wrote about the Irish culture and the ritual of attending funerals of people you may not even know personally, resonate with me and the culture I have been brought up too.
I believe cultural difference of dealing with bereavement, make a big impact on the process of recovery.
Thank you Fatemeh, you're very kind. Completely agree with your last statement. I'm glad to have had different rituals through the grieving process, right up to the first anniversary.
I am deeply sorry for the loss of your babies. I'm a grandmother now but one of my grandchildren didn't get to be born. This tiny little shoot on our family tree will not be forgotten. Sending love to you x
Thanks so much Nic, so sad your family had to go through it too xx
I’m so sorry for your recent loss. One of the things I find hard about my pregnancy losses is the sense that only I knew and remember them. I have found it very important to find some way to commemorate their brief existence and in writing about it, you have found a way to mark them as well as supporting others who have been through similar experiences.
Thanks Catherine. I agree with so much of that. I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through it too. It’s just awful. Sending lots of love your way. I have a box filled with memories of each pregnancy and sometimes I like to just empty it all out and sit with it all. I’ve written lots about this most recent loss as writing helps me process, but more than that, as you say, it helps acknowledge it was real. X
Love and sympathy, Yasmin - there's so many of us out there (me too) that it's worth talking about even if only for the comfort of knowing others have been there too.
Thanks you so much Elisabeth and so sorry you’ve had to struggle with this too x
Heartfelt condolences Yasmin - sending white light, big hugs, and gratitude for your fortitude in showing us how to ‘be truthful to yourself’.
Thank you for putting all these important necessary words into writing. Sending you a big hug ♥️
Thank you so so much, and also thank you for sharing. Big love x
You speak so much truth here, Yasmin, thank you for this post and for sharing your own experiences. I'm so, so very sorry for your recent loss, and previous losses, and hope you're able to rest up in the next few weeks and be kind to yourself. What you're going through is absolutely brutal, and I'm with you on not understanding why we don't have more cultural support for grief and miscarriage in particular. Having gone through it myself, I was horrified to experience a flippancy in medical settings that translated to a complete lack of empathy (the 'it's very common' line doesn't really cut it when you're beside yourself with grief and shock) or acknowledgement of the psychological trauma and grief of it. The best support I found was through talking to others who have gone through it, and Tommys helpline which was brilliant. So thankful for writers like you who are bravely normalising conversations and increased dialogue around these issues. Sending much love and solidarity your way xxxx
Thanks so much Rosie, I'm so sorry you've had to go through it too. I think I need to lean in to the helplines a bit, so thanks for that recommendation. As you say, it's hard to talk about it with people who haven't gone through it. Thanks so much for all your lovely words. Hope we can catch up soon and much love to you xx
Pregnancy loss is a dark place. I'm sorry you're going through it again. Wonderful writing from the depths of your current grief - thank you!
Thanks so much Rachel, it’s like being a club you never wanted to join! I appreciate your support x
Admire your courage not only for dealing with yet another recurrent miscarriage and painful loss, but also your ability to talk about it so openly, providing useful information & resources for others who might be going through grief in general & miscarriage in particular.
Sending love and a basket of positive energy ❤️❤️🌹
Thank you so much xx
Sending love, light and positivity your way. Beautiful supporting words for others x
Thanks Ciara, same to you ❤️. I do like to try and demystify the whole thing a bit! X